As we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family we examine the recent work of our American Bishops as they published a pastoral letter on marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan.” This work is the latest contribution of our shepherds who established a taskforce to strengthen the understanding of this social and sacramental reality. In the Introduction our leaders assert: “Among the many blessings that God has showered upon us in Christ is the blessing of marriage, a gift bestowed by the Creator from the creation of the human race. His hand has inscribed to the vocation to marriage in the very nature of man and woman…Original sin introduced evil and disorder into the world. As a consequence of the break with God, this first sin ruptured the original communion between man and woman. Nonetheless, the original blessing was never revoked. Jesus Christ has not only restored the original blessing in its fullness but elevated it by making marriage between baptized Christians a sacramental sign of His own love for the Church…While marriage is a special blessing for Christians because of the grace of Christ, marriage is also a natural blessing and gift for everyone in all times and cultures. It is a source of blessing to the couple, to their families, and to society and includes the wondrous gift of co-creating human life... We rejoice that so many couples are living in fidelity to their marital commitment. We thank them for proclaiming in their daily lives the beauty, goodness, and truth of marriage. In countless ways, both ordinary and heroic, through good times and bad, they bear witness to the gift and blessing they have received from the hand of their Creator. We are grateful, too, for all those who work with young people and engaged couples to establish good marriages, who help married couples to grow in love and strengthen their union, and who help those in crisis to resolve their problems and bring healing to their lives.” Throughout the past thirty-seven years I have been privileged to witness the vows of truly committed people who have given hope to all for they have lived each day as one. They have embodied the words of Genesis and maintained their relationship as the point of stability in the midst of political upheavals, economic recessions, and personal crises. As I seek to maintain my own promises of celibacy and obedience to the Church I have found that the couples who I have encountered in my various assignments have by their support and friendship strengthened my spiritual resolve and insight. For three decades I had the pleasure of being part of the Marriage Preparation Programs of the Archdiocese of New York. In this context I met wonderful people who loved the Church and each other. By their example they made Christ present and inspired those who heard them with the teachings of our faith community on the nature of sacramental union. As part of the Marriage Encounter Movement I have seen good marriages renewed by humble explorations, honest discussions, and heartfelt promises.

The bishops, however, cannot be accused of being in the position of being a Pollyanna. They recognize: “At the same time we are troubled by the fact that far too many people do not understand what it means to say that marriage – both as a natural institution and a Christian sacrament – is a blessing and gift from God. We observe, for example, that some people esteem marriage as an ideal but can be reluctant to make the actual commitment necessary to enter and sustain it. Some choose instead to live in cohabiting relationships that may or may not lead to marriage and can be detrimental to the well-being of themselves and any children.” Perhaps because of poor catechesis or moral failure there is a lack of realization that marital living is nourished by sacramental grace on a daily basis. Additionally, too many young people have a “settling mentality.” They come to an agreement to live together “without benefit of clergy” because they think that is all they deserve. They provide their partners with excuses such as economic feasibility or convenience to convince them to surrender to their wishes. Later on in the document the bishops cite research which supports the thesis that the rates of divorce are higher among those who cohabited before making marital vows. The bizarre behaviors of celebrities sometimes cloud reality to the susceptible.

The high rate of divorce, in general, is a concern. “The social sanctions and legal barriers to ending one’s marriage have all but disappeared, and the negative effects of divorce on children, families, and the community have become more apparent in recent decades.” Our leaders have spoken out against domestic violence and therefore have recognized the necessity of divorce in such cases to protect the well-being of self and offspring. Unfortunately, though divorce is seen as too simple a remedy for relational disagreements, loss of interest, or changed circumstances.

Other issues which caused the bishops to focus on marriage and its significance for the Church’s future and society’s survival are also discussed. “We are alarmed that a couple’s responsibility to serve life by being open to children is being denied and abandoned more frequently today. Couples too often reflect a lack of understanding of the purposes of marriage. There is a loss of belief in the value of those purposes when couples readily treat, as separate choices, the decisions to get married and to have children. This indicates a mentality in which children are seen not as integral to a marriage but as optional. When children are viewed in this way, there can be damaging consequences not only for them but also for the marriage itself. We note a disturbing trend today to view marriage as a mostly private matter, an individualistic project not related to the common good but oriented mostly to achieving personal satisfaction. Finally, the bishops feel compelled to speak out against all attempts to redefine marriage so that it would no longer be exclusively the union of a man and a woman as God established and blessed it in the natural created order.”

The Conference of Bishops theologically, philosophically, socially and economically provide us with the underpinning of our understanding of marriage. They call upon each of us to proclaim the truth that: “Christian married love is a preparation for eternal life. At the end of time, the love to which spouses have been called will find its completion when the entire Church is assumed into the glory of the risen Christ. Then the Church will truly be herself, for she will experience fully the self-giving love of her spouse – the Lord Jesus Christ.”
Let us pray to the Holy Family that all our families be blessed      with peace, joy, and love.
Vivat Jesus

Fr Brian